You see, the people who like the things that have become “geek-chic” don’t like them because they actually enjoy the source. If it was that, I would be absolutely fine with it. No, these people only like these things because they’ve become popular, and so it’s cool to like them. There’s no way to get out of this now without sounding like an elitist prick, so I’m not even going to try.

The people who begin liking these geeky things once they’ve entered the mainstream are the same people who would have made fun of the ones who popularized whatever it is in the first place.

What these newcomers don’t realize is that there was already an established culture before they entered. There was already a group of devoted, geeky people, the people that find these things in the first place and start talking about how cool they are. And I don’t mind if these newcomers want to join this established culture; I’m completely fine with getting another person who respects the property to come join the party.

The issue is, many of the newcomers don’t join the culture, or even acknowledge its existence. Hell, they hardly even care about whatever it is they’re pretending to enjoy. All they want is the “coolness” factor that comes with pretending to know about some geeky thing. And as someone who holds these things as part of my culture, this is akin to demolishing a native American burial mound in the eyes of myself and many others.

Because these new people don’t respect what they’re liking. They don’t care to put forth the time and effort to become invested, but still want to join the crowd of people flocking around whatever it is. So they name-drop whatever it is a couple times. They make a few forum posts trying to attract attention to themselves, because these are the people that enjoy attention directed at them. They pretend to like these things so they’ll be perceived as “cool” in their group of other stupid friends who don’t know about it, so they can get the thrill of “discovering” something. And then all their little shit friends will also go and start “getting into” whatever it is, even when they don’t truly care either.

These people clog and dilute the fandom. They make it harder for the true fans to stay fans, and make it embarrassing to admit to being a fan of such things out of fear of being grouped with these poser-fans. They can destroy a good thing for everyone by bringing the attention of the people-at-large onto something that had previously only been shared almost exclusively by people who actually give a shit about whatever it is. And what do these poser-fans do to show they’re “cool,” “hip,” and a “member” of the culture? They buy t-shirts.

The t-shirt-with-picture is the easiest way for someone to express their fandom or pretend-fandom. It immediately tells everyone around that THEY ARE A FAN LOOK HOW FUCKING COOL I AM. It requires next to no effort to acquire. There’s no background check that you actually know about what’s on the shirt. You don’t need to hold your own like how you would in an honest discussion. And, almost without fail, all these people purchase these shirts at the same place.

Hot Topic is a national chain mainly existing in the many thousands of malls scattered across America. They have an annual revenue of $761 million. And they profit off the goth and pseudo-geek cultures. What follows is an excerpt from Hot Topic’s annual report, describing their business.

“At our Hot Topic stores and on our website hottopic.com, we sell a selection of licensed and non-licensed apparel, accessories and gift items that are influenced by popular music artists and pop culture trends. We also sell a limited assortment of music CDs and DVDs. Our merchandise is designed to appeal to young men and women primarily between the ages of 12 and 22 who are passionate about and have diverse tastes in music and pop culture.

“We strive to consistently be the first to expose our customers to new music, pop culture and fashion trends. We believe our ability to quickly identify, source, and oftentimes negotiate exclusivity for, unique and diverse merchandise centered around music and pop culture is one of our competitive strengths. We also believe that our deep-rooted knowledge of music and pop culture, distinctive store design and rich music experiences that we offer (in-store, in-mall and at other venues), are competitive strengths.”

Basically, they thrive on finding what’s cool and “unique,” and mass-producing the hell out of it until it retains none of its original spark. They make their income catering to exactly the pseudo-geek who becomes interested in the growing geek interests because they think it’s cool. This chain of stores survives by ruining good things.

It’s such a crass commercialization I’m surprised that more of their market doesn’t see through it. After all, the markets they claim to serve are well known for typically trying to be “counter-culture” and “unique.” However, what most of these people want isn’t to truly defy culture, but instead just to join an alternate culture they view as “edgy.” The entire modern “goth” movement is based on such, and is one of the two markets Hot Topic caters towards. The other being, of course, the “geek-chic” I’ve already talked so much about.

Why is it most people who claim to go against societal standards, who claim to be individuals, end up looking so much alike? Why do they all listen to the same music, wear the same shirts, and enjoy the same things? The answer is Hot Topic.

They do deserve a bit of praise for shrewd business sense though. They saw a market of people who didn’t want to do what they thought everyone else was doing, and created a store specializing in selling things that appeared different from what the others sold. They commercialized nonconformity, something any other store would most likely have been scared of doing. They managed to tap into the feeling of “no one understand me!!!!” most teenagers feel and sell things that let these people stand out as “misunderstood.” That is, stand out until everyone else started wearing the same fucking thing.

In that way, most of their fans are massive hypocrites. They claim to go against the mainsteam, yet shop at what has become one of the most mainstream stores around. They put money right in the pockets of the stuffy business-types who represent the mainstream adult culture these people so wish to distance themselves from.

And if Hot Topic was content to just sell to this group of angst-ridden idiotic teens, I’d be happy. After all, not being able to see through such a thin veil of rebelliousness thrown over crass commercialism, they deserve to be cheated out of their money. But of course, Hot Topic isn’t content to just stick with this. They had to try to cater to the “cool geek” crowd as well.

A few examples of things that were spawned on the Internet, became a part of Internet culture, loved by many geeks and had been fairly unknown to the rest of the world: Minecraft. Charlie the Unicorn. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. A short list of things Hot Topic now sells t-shirts for: Minecraft. Charlie the Unicorn. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.

See the problem here? They’re taking things I honestly enjoy or enjoyed, and turning them into the next “thing” for the anti-conformist conforming kids to parade around as their own before moving on to the next thing, leaving nothing but a worn out and desecrated corpse behind. They’re encouraging the destruction of the Internet’s natural wonders, and systematically destroying all that true geeks hold dear. And there is nothing we can do to stop them, for the sheep will always be sheep, and the shepherd is a massive machine of destruction, bastardization, and packaging.

And the thing is, many of us who truly cherished the above listed three would never set foot into a Hot Topic. Go on any gaming forum and ask, and you’ll get a chorus of “hell no” right out the gate. So how are they making money on the geekier side of their merchandise? Where is the market for this, when clearly what would appear to be the target wouldn’t be caught dead in one of the stores?

They are the very same pseudo-geek. So you end up in a loop where these people buy such things only because Hot Topic sells them, then Hot Topic makes more because they’re selling. They feed off each other, encourage each other, and everyone else is left disappointed that yet another thing they enjoyed has been consumed by the relentless march of the cool.

Not only are they taking more modern creations such as the three I listed above though, they also take classics, such as Legend of Zelda and Space Invaders, and selling them to people who’ve never even seen an NES or Atari, much less played one. They’re destroying our classics as well.

Let’s go back to the quotation I pulled from their financial report again for a minute. Specifically, one sentence of it. “We strive to consistently be the first to expose our customers to new music, pop culture and fashion trends.” This, for me, is what drives in the final nail. Remember, I mentioned they only started selling merchandise for internet phenomenons such as Minecraft after they’d become incredibly successful. This means that even Hot Topic admits that the geeks who enjoy such things aren’t their target. If they want to be the first exposure, they’ve already alienated the original fans. I’d be fine if the original intention was to sell stuff to the existing fanbase and some newcomers got caught; in that way maybe we’d even get some more dedicated fans, people who will produce cool things. But they openly acknowledge that they’re catering towards selling whatever’s popular amongst one demographic to a new demographic, the demographic that ruins things for the rest of us. And they consider this a “competitive strength.”

After all, it’s not that I mind people buying shirts, as long as they know the original source. I’m just fine with a person buying a Minecraft shirt from the Minecraft store, because if they’re there, they probably already know about Minecraft. But if Hot Topic wants to be the source where people find about stuff, that means most people buying the shirt probably don’t even know about the original source. How does that benefit the creator in any way?

Beyond that, they sell shirts with designs created by the original fans without giving credit or paying royalties. They have a long history of this which I’m not going to dig up, but I do have one example. Megasweet is a brony, and active in the art community. He’d made one design of a silhouette of Rainbow Dash, and posted it as a desktop on his deviantart page. This exact same design is one of the two that has shown up on the MLP t-shirts Hot Topic is selling, and he was never informed of its use.

Is anyone who sees this shirt going to know who Megasweet is? Are any of the people who buy it going to bother even watching any of the show, much less get to know the honestly staggeringly massive amount of fan backstory? I mean, I’m glad these people aren’t going to really get into it, but at least then they’d have a little credibility. After all, we’re always glad to welcome another to the herd.

But no. These people are going to see this shirt and buy it to be “ironic, lol I’m wearing a shirt about a tv show for little girls aren’t I so fucking special.” In essence, these people are making fun of the true fans of the show, and a whole bunch of soulless businesspeople are going to profit off it.

Now, to be fair, Hot Topic got the shirt from another supplier who was the one who stole the design from Megasweet, and they have put the design on hold from sale. But I only use this example because it’s fresh in my mind now. The stores have a long history of selling other people’s IP, and even admit to it in the statement I posted above, saying “…we sell a selection of licensed and non-licensed apparel…” (emphasis mine).

Hell, disregarding even Megasweet here, what about the creators of the show? What about Lauren Faust for directing it? What about the Hub for airing the show? What about Hasbro for starting the toy line that spawned the show? None of them are going to see a cent.

This is wrong and must be stopped. Yet there seems to be no way. The average Hot Topic patron isn’t exactly logical. They can’t be reasoned with. They can’t be dissuaded. The only solution is to take out the problem at the source. We must destroy Hot Topic.

It won’t be easy. They’re a multimillion dollar corporation. But I believe it can be done. We need every fan of every geeky thing they have ever taken, bent to their image, and resold to protest. Form blockades outside the stores. Show them they can’t take our culture.

If every one of us true geeks works together, we can win this. Power to the geek.

Scott Walker’s Bill

First, the bill itself. In order to understand why people are up in arms about this bill, I will present here some background information on the bill. Governor Walker revealed the bill itself last Friday, February 11, and it’s being voted on today, Thursday, February 17, under a week from its initial reveal. Right at the reveal itself, Walker told press he wouldn’t be afraid to call in the National Guard if riots about it got out of hand. He knew that this bill would get people riled up. The National Guard are also supposed to be a second line of defense; you don’t start by bringing them in.

By his comment about the National Guard, he clearly knew he would anger people, and he has. What does this bill do? Let’s review:

1. Remove collective bargaining rights from most state employees
2. Requires state employees to pay 50% of their pension
3. Requires state employees to pay for their own health insurance
4. Allows firing of state employees who are absent more than 3 days without approval
5. Other things I will not be discussing this morning

Let’s take these point by point.

1. Remove collective bargaining

This, in effect, destroys unions. Without the right to collectively bargain, the purpose of a union, to ensure fair treatment of employees, is destroyed because their means to ensure fair treatment of employees is legally removed. It’s also noteworthy that firefighters and police are exempt from this. State workers also will not be getting any raises beyond normal inflation, and they have nothing they can do about it.

2. and 3. Pay pension and health insurance

By requiring state employees to pay a portion of pension and health insurance, and not raising salaries, state employees are, at the most basic, lowering salaries of state workers. For many people, teachers being the main group I’m aware of by being a student, being required to pay this will mean they can’t afford many other things. Teachers are already underpaid for the work they do, and this added expense is too much.

4. Firing of employees

This is Walker’s trump card. He put this part into effect so that workers, understandably upset, could not go on strike to protest.

The People React

People have not taken news of this bill lightly. There have been protests all week, the most attendees being on Tuesday and Wednesday, with even more expected today, Thursday, February 17. I have proudly been at the protests on both Tuesday and Wednesday, and plan on returning for the protest today. I feel strongly that what Walker is doing is an injustice towards the working people of Wisconsin, and that it needs to be stopped. I do not believe that anything the people do will get this bill stopped, but I also believe that it is worth my time to try. This is not an issue about Democrats and Republicans; this is an issue of fairness and equality.

The protests have been peaceful, and quite a sight to behold. It is truly inspiring to see this massive group of people, all rallied together for a common goal. The attendance has been truly staggering, and I’m proud to count myself amongst the people there. Despite being exempt from the rulings, both the police and fire departments have turned out to protest, in support of their fellow employees of the state. Enough teachers called in “sick” to attend the protests that school has had to be closed both Wednesday and today, Thursday. There’s this real feeling of togetherness amongst the crowds that have been at the Capitol building, and everyone has remained peaceful throughout the whole thing.

The Student March

Just as I needed to discuss the background of the controversial bill before I could continue with the post, I need now to talk a bit about myself so that my reasoning in this final section will make sense. I am not one who just follows orders. If I do something, it is not because it is right, or what I’m expected to do, or someone else told me to, it is because I want to, because I feel strongly on the topic. I have attended the protests because I truly feel that what Walker is doing is wrong, and he needs to be stopped. This attitude of not doing stuff just because I’m supposed to is incredibly strong, and the more someone pushes at me to do something, the more they try to force it on me, the more I will push back, regardless of what direction I am pushing.

Now, before it was decided that schools would close on Wednesday, a little something was planned. During backyard, an utterly useless period most wednesdays, all the students of Memorial were supposed to walk out of the school in protest of Walker, walk down a road near the school, and head back in an hour or so. This, I decided to do. I joined the Facebook group and marked myself as “attending.” However, the first warning flag went up in my head when the group announced everyone was required to wear red. Red was chosen as the teacher support color, a sentiment I can get behind. But I’ve been protesting not just for the teachers, but for everyone. It just happens that the teachers are the ones I know most about, given my proximity to them being a high school student and all. I still planned to attend the walk out, however.

Then, it was announced that after the walk out, people would be carpooling and taking the bus to another high school, to join with the students there and walk down to the capitol. I really didn’t want to go with the school group, but knew that it would be my best chance to get parental permission to miss class for the second day in a row. Parental permission I never got anyway. However, something about the announcement of this union with the other school bothered me, something in the phrasing. I can’t quite describe it, but the wording felt like I wasn’t being given a choice. It felt like more being pressured into going on this walk to the capitol. I felt the beginning of a push, and I began to push back. Again, the only reason I was going to go at all was it seemed to be the only chance for me to get to the capitol protests.

“Parking is very hard near [the school] so make sure you go quick and get a spot! even if there isnt and you need to take a hike… do it. think about the outcome of what is about to happen. Again, we are making history! be apart of this and bring all of your friends!!” This was one portion that began to make me feel like I wasn’t being given a choice in the matter. The incessant urging to do this, no matter what it takes, is what put me off the idea. I already wanted to attend, but the pushing here made me want to push back.

It turns out, I didn’t need the school group. School was cancelled for wednesday, the day this walk out and march were planned for. As such, I could attend the protests. The school group sent out another message over Facebook.  I went downtown with a friend of mine, joined the protests, but did not march with the school group. I didn’t want to be there as just one bit of this student march. I wanted to be there as myself, standing up for my viewpoint, which happened to be the same viewpoint held up by the others as well. I wanted to be there as an individual, showing that I cared about the situation, instead of one relatively insignificant part of this mass of students. I was already an insignificant part of the mass of people, but I wanted to be there as my own self. And so I was.

Now, this same walk is planned today, Thursday, and again, I will not be going on it. The pushing from others to attend it has only gotten worse, with one person I know jokingly threatening to kill me if I didn’t attend. All this pushing serves only to have the opposite effect; I now no longer want to be even tangentially associated with the student group. The friend I attended with yesterday, Wednesday, is going on the march today. We will be meeting up after he gets to the capitol. I will be getting to the capitol on my own. It’s not because I don’t want to walk; I’ve walked farther distances in worse weather. The student march organizers also have a meet up spot planned at the capitol, for people who don’t want to walk. My friend suggested that we could just go this group and not do the walk. Again, it’s not because I don’t want to walk, it’s because I don’t want an association with the student march. I declined the suggestion. I may have perhaps considered joining with this group, but the announcement message about this group contained more of the negative pushing I so despise.

“If there is a chance that you are too tired to walk from [the school] there will be a small group waiting at the library mall (at the beginning of State Street) at 11:45. BUT PLEASE GO TO [THE SCHOOL] (strongly suggested by everyone.)” “People who are tired or whatever can meet at the library mall on state street. But just so those people know, taking the long walk shows a large amount of dedication.” These two quotes highlight the type of thing I’m talking about, the pushing that bothers me so. the “STRONGLY SUGGESTED” going to the school, the “large amount of dedication” line, all are classic subtle manipulation techniques to get people to do as you want them to, techniques I’m always on the lookout for. They clearly are establishing the people who simply go to the library mall as people with less dedication, something to force people who would otherwise consider that option to instead go to the school walk to save face. It’s this kind of thing that irks me so. As such, I shall not even be going to the library. I shall remain as separate from the marching students as possible, forming my own group of two or three friends to protest with for the day instead. So may this serve as a warning to event coordinators: watch for negative pushing as was used here.

Back when school was ending…

A packet. What bullshit is this? A 12-page packet I need to do over the summer? Why? The absurdity of the whole thing makes me laugh out loud. I turn to my friends, conveniently sitting to my front, left, and back (I was in the farthest right row of desks, so no one was on my right) and show them it. 12 pages?!?

One week on. School has just ended, it’s the first day of summer break. The absence of homework gives an almost empty feeling to my life. It was something akin to Stockholm Syndrome; you know, when the prisoners actually grow attached to their captors? Well, a similar thing had happened to me. I felt weird not having anything to do in the evening. I pull out the packet.

One page. That’s all I can take. Whatever empty feeling I had possessed, it was well and far away by now. Setting the packet down, I go back to doing nothing. In time, we move, the packet gets shoved around, lost, found, and lost again. I hardly notice.

Fade cut to August 1st. I can’t even remember what caused me to remember the packet, but all I knew was it was gone. Oh well, I thought to myself. I have a month, I can ask for another one, get it, and still finish the whole thing by the time school starts, right?

Not that I’m motivated to get on the process of acquiring a new packet. I like my freedom, dammit!

(at this point in writing, I got up to make cookies, which will become a semi-important component of the story later on. I just want to mention the place this occurred so the reader can have some idea of time for this. I probably took around a half hour making the cookies, a process I will explain in incredible detail later on (don’t worry, it has a point). I started around 5:30 am and it is now 5:59 am)

…freedom, dammit! So, eventually, with three weeks left on the clock, my mom emails the teacher, explains how the packet got lost in the move, and the teacher sets aside a new packet, which I go get from the school. A couple evenings after I get the new packet, I start work again. I barely get through what I had already accomplished on the old one when I lose all interest in the work. I put it on hold. Through the next few weeks, I work off and on, getting through about half the packet. Throughout this time, I’m growing more and more frustrated with the way the packet is laid out. Some of the pages have blanks to fill in the answers, with enough room to put my work on the page, while others have hardly any room around the questions. The pages without room start about halfway through, go for 4 pages, then it switches to problems with blanks for the answers, but no room to show work.

Six days before school starts, I started in one the first page that didn’t have enough room, sticking my answers in the margins and wherever else I could. about halfway through, it requires I graph some equations, so I print out some graph paper online and start to graph them. I quickly realize there’s no easy way to reference this specific sheet of paper from the packet. The questions are numbered, but the numbers start at 1 at the top of every new page, making it confusing to number the individual graphs based on which question they correspond to, as it’s unclear which page it should go to. I press onward, not sparing the issue much thought at that moment. It would get plenty of thought later.

I am almost at the end of this page (which I will call page 1 even though it’s not the first page, but it’s the first page that started the issues. Every subsequent page will be “page 2,” “page 3,” etc.), on the last problem, when I notice another issue; the last problem gives me a graph with three lines, and asks me to write an equation for each line. They all cross at (0,0), so it should be easy enough. The problem is that none of the lines intersect the grid at any discernible points besides (0,0), and no points are labeled. With no second point, I can’t find the slope, so I can’t write an equation. I skip the problem.

Five days left. This is when I bring up the issue of the question numbering with my parents. My dad offers nothing much useful, so I continue the discussion with my mom. A very prolonged discussion, covering most potential solutions. I say that it would make the most sense to do all my work on secondary sheets of paper. She agrees. I bring up that I already started by writing on the pages, and she says to just start wherever I can. I say that that would bother me because it would be changing systems midway which is confusing and inelegant. She says it doesn’t really mater. Point, counterpoint. This continues for three days.

Two days left until school, or Tuesday Evening. I’ve finally worked out that I’ll number the rest of the pages, number a few sheets of graph paper, and just continue on the graph paper instead. I begin work on this method, but I can’t stay focused. All the math is stuff I already knew, stuff I remembered. I shouldn’t have to do the review packet if I don’t need a review of the content. Because the content is review, I grow bored with it, and begin to drift to the internet. Catching myself, I put on my earbuds, put the computer to sleep, and work for about 45 minutes. I am now most of the way done with the second page. This is going to be a long packet. I have five pages beyond page 2 to still complete, before September 2, tomorrow at the time of writing. Five pages and a bit, to do in about 24 hours as of this very moment I’m typing.

Back to the story. I take a break after the 45 minutes (the time was about 11:05 pm yesterday), and browse the internet for hours. I watch Mythbusters on Netflix. I catch up on all my webcomics, and go read what’s new on a forum. Sometime during this period, I went to Instructables, and on the front page, I saw stuff about cookies. This idea must have stuck in my head somewhere. Hours later, around 5:00 am, I decide I should go back to work on it. I’m looking at where I left off on page 2. Shit. THIS is where the stuff I don’t remember was hiding. THIS is where I SHOULD have been putting my effort all this time! I’m already tired, and cursory Google searches don’t reveal much useful information; at least, useful to my tired, caffeine-buzzed (did I mention I had two cans of Mountain Dew during the course of this night?) mind.

After some time, I start working on this very blog post, to chronicle my frustrations with this packet. While typing this, the thought of cookies enters my mind again. You know the point I went and did that, it’s right up there!^^^

It’s now 5:30, and I am going to make those goddamn cookies. Anything is better than working on the math packet, and I need a break from writing. I go to the kitchen, get out the sugar and flour and stuff. I mentioned far earlier on that we moved. I haven’t used the kitchen since, and as such had no idea where anything was. I search for bowls, but I can only find one. Strangely, this one seems to be the one my mom was complaining about being missing just a few days ago. No matter, I take the bowl and mix the flour part up. My first issue: Where are the measuring cups? I look through (almost) every drawer, to no avail, but I do find a different measuring cup, and adjustable one the family got for Generic Winter Gift-Giving Holiday a few years ago. I take that out, and realize that when it’s set to the right setting, there’s no way I can get it in the flour container. I take a plastic cup down from the cupboard and use that to scoop flour into the measuring cup. The rest of the four mix passes without incident.

I’m making peanut butter cookies, just so you know.

I then get to the part where I’m supposed to mix the butter, sugar, egg, and peanut butter in a separate bowl from the flour. This presents an issue as well, as I’m supposed to use softened, unsalted butter. All I have is cold, hard, salted butter. Oh well. I get out a fork and begin mashing the butter until it’s soft enough to actually serve its purpose. I then need sugar. I find the white sugar fairly easily, and then I notice a drawer I hadn’t checked before for the measuring cups. There they are. I take the right cup, and add the white sugar. I also need brown sugar. Back to the pantry.

Digging through the pantry, I don’t see any brown sugar. Eventually, I find it buried way at the back of a shelf, hidden behind an empty jar of Nestle Quick which was right at the front. Why does an empty Quick jar take precedence over the full container of brown sugar?

I add the brown sugar, and begin to mash the butter and sugar together. This takes a long time. A long time. Recall that the butter was still cold from the fridge. After about a minute, my hand is in immense pain. I begin to distract myself by thinking of whatever pops into my head. For whatever reason, the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python (here) and a discussion I had about how Quidditch was practically pointless popped into my head. I have no idea why.

Finally, the butter mixture is done, and the rest of the cookies pass without anything going horribly wrong, blowing up, or catching on fire. And that leads me to now. Here’s a quick summary of what my situation is:

• I have 24 hours to complete this packet.
• The math teacher probably isn’t going to check the math packet anyway, as it’s mainly as a review for the first test of the year, which is just to prove you know the stuff you need to for pre-calculus.
• However, if he does check the packet and I didn’t do it because of the above point, I’m also screwed.
• I have five pages left.
• …all of which cover the material I don’t remember, and which I should have been putting my effort towards in the first place.
• I have cookies!

So that’s my story. Welcome back to school, everyone. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

3. Splash Pages

These are the websites which ask you to click a link to enter the actual site. Obviously, if I type in the URL or click on the link on Google, I want to be on that site. So why do I have to perform another click just to see the content I already showed an interest in? There is absolutely no reason for it! This page gives me no extra information on the subject. Let’s say I wanted to find out about taking care of toads, so I Googled “toad care.” A few results down, I click the link Bob’s Toads. Clearly, I am clicking it to find out more about toads, so why do I have to confirm that yes, I want to read about the goddamn toads? Do the designers think I’m going to change my mind and say “oh, I don’t really want to read about toads after all,”? I already put effort into finding this page, don’t make me go through a completely pointless extra click to get to your page.

2. White Text on a Black Background

Whoever thought of putting white text onto a black background obviously never actually tried to read their content on their page, which is an understandable mistake. They already wrote their content, and white on black isn’t actually bad for short captions or even a paragraph or two. Where it starts to become an issue is when you’re reading a wall of text. Your eyes naturally lose your position, and the lines become indistinct. For whatever reason, black on white doesn’t do this but white on black does. I recommend figuring out what keyboard shortcut will invert the color on your computer, and using it whenever you find a site using this horrible style choice.

1. Hidden Login and Logout Buttons

On most websites, the login/logout buttons are in the upper-right corner. This has just been decided on as the default place. Almost every site does it. So why is it that some web designers, for whatever reason, decide to break trend and stick the login/logout buttons somewhere completely arbitrary and idiotic? Yes, you may be trying to “buck the trend” or whatever, but really, if people can’t find this stuff, why are they going to want to come back? A unified location for login and logout just makes stuff go so much smoother for the end user, and the ultimate goal is to get people to like your site and come back, something that will be hampered by unclear design.

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

1. Sites that change their layout every few months. I understand wanting to make sure your user interface is straightforward and makes sense, but if you change your site too frequently or too radically, you’re only going to alienate users. Even if your original layout was fairly unintuitive, your users will have learned how to navigate it over time. Changing it at this point is just going to confuse them even if the redesign is objectively simpler, because they are already used to the old way. Ultimately, I didn’t include this one on the list because the reason for this comes from a dedication to the user base, and shows good intent, if poor execution. The others on the list are simply inexplicable.

2. Yvette’s Bridal Formal. Yes, I am calling out a specific website here, and one that uses garish font colors, background images, and autoplaying music. However, I wanted to include it on this list simply because it is way too horrible to not mention on a list about bad website design. This is the absolute worst website ever created. But that’s not the whole story. There have apparently been many conspiracies linking the site to aliens and other paranormal activities. /x/, 4chan’s paranormal board, actually did an investigation into the history of the site. A summary of this can be found on the Yvette’s website. I warn you, this site is NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. IF YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HAVING GOOD EYESIGHT, I STRONGLY CAUTION YOU TO NOT GO TO YVETTE’S BRIDAL FORMAL. Ah, who am I kidding, you’ve already Googled it, haven’t you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The fact is, servers aren’t infallible. Eventually, those websites will go down, and the hard drives that comprise their servers will be overwritten with other data. It might not happen soon, but it will happen. Mark my words.

Wound this really matter? Will people really care? Maybe not immediately, but I can guarantee, future generations are going to have a hard time writing the history books about this era. Historical documents decay, yes, but a whole hard drive can be wiped clean in a matter of minutes. Also, while paper never goes obsolete, who’s to say that future computers will even be able to read the data on our flash drives, burned CDs, and hard drives? I mean, look in the past twenty years, we’ve seen the absolute death of one major format, the floppy disk. Almost no computers can read floppies any more. Because of software changes, many files stored on floppies are lost forever. Forever, just gone. Inaccessible.

The data on CDs decays, they get scratched, shredded, written over. The files get corrupted. Memory, erase.

Maybe it’s just me that cares. I am fairly big on nostalgia. I can’t remember much of my younger life, something that has caused me no end of regret.

What if memories could be backed up like computer data? What if you could plug into a computer, and download your memories, untouched, perfect, viewable for all future generations? Nothing would be forgotten. Maybe, all the knowledge from every person in the world could be assembled into one massive database. Every memory ever, from forever in the past and to forever in the future. A hive mind, a living, growing library of human thought.

Think about your legacy. I know I’m thinking about mine, and I’m only fifteen.

-Typing is a dream. It works really well in both portrait and landscape modes, but landscape is easier for touch typing. It works better than most people thought it would, and is quite speedy.

-The apps are beautiful. The address book has a really nice real-book feel to it and the calendar really looks like a datebook.

-The browsing experience is second to none. This is the best web browsing device I have ever used, with the lack of flash being just one small niggle, and one that doesn’t really matter.

I will have more soon too, including an in-depth review. Stay tuned!

The Cloud

Alarm goes off. Beep beep beep. It’s 11 am on a Saturday. Rolling over in bed, you grab your phone off its charger on your bedside table. Clicking the phone on, you get an instant display of the day’s weather, your calendar, and your new emails and texts. You skim through your email, checking some messages your friends sent you. Seeing on your calendar that your afternoon is free, you cue up a movie to download on your phone while you go shower and eat breakfast.

After breakfast, you turn on your computer. This isn’t a typical computer. On your desk sits a flat panel screen. In front of you are the keyboard and mouse. There’s no actual box. None of the computer components are here. Opening your mail client, it automatically knows what emails you read before, and marks them as read. You begin working on a story you’ve been writing. While you’re doing this, a notification pops up in the corner. Your movie is downloaded.

You walk over to your TV and turn it on. With a couple quick button presses, the movie is playing instantly. After watching for a while, you get a call from your friend. He wants to know if you want to go get a late lunch. Responding, you say sure. On your way out of your house, you grab your phone, the movie instantly switching over to your phone and continuing to play. Deciding its safer to not watch while you walk, you pause the movie, and slip your phone into your pocket. While you do this, a call comes in from your boss. Deciding he can wait, you let him go to voicemail. You’ll review this voicemail on your computer later.

When you get to the restaurant, you decide you want to see what your friend thinks of your story. You pull out your phone and there it is, ready and waiting. This is the beauty of cloud computing.

You see, nothing is stored on your computer, phone or TV. All your files are on a remote server, somewhere else in the world. This way, you’re never in a situation where you don’t have the file you want. All your files, applications, contacts, email, etc are all in one place. All your devices download the info in the background.

We have already started to see bits of this happening. Apple’s MobileMe is the most integrated solution I’ve seen so far, but more is possible. For now, MobileMe only gives you 20 GB of storage. In my vision of the future, you don’t even have your computer components at your house. All you have is an always-on, always-connected wireless monitor. The components are all at the same site as your data. The screen image is streamed to the device through a 1Gbps or faster internet. Obviously, there would still be enthusiasts who would have their own computer, but they would be rare. The world would be integrated, streamlined, and instantaneous. The world would live in the cloud.

First, here’s a list of the complaints I’ve seen about the iPad:

• No multitasking
• No camera
• No flash
• Bezel too large
• No USB port or SD card slot
• It’s just a bigger iPod Touch

That’s the list I’ll be using for this article. If I find any more, I’ll post them up here as well.

No Multitasking

The first point I’m going to address is multitasking. The complaint goes as such: “I want to use Twitter while checking email. I want to text while playing games. I want to listen to Pandora while browsing.” The first thing I have to say is that yes, a background Pandora application would be great. However, I own enough music that no Pandora isn’t a big deal for me. It’s certainly annoying, yes, but not that bad.

Next, is it that much of a pain to flip out of one app to another one then back? I know many games autosave the state when you leave them. Many times I’ve been playing Plants vs Zombies [iTunes] on the bus, and I’ve gotten a text with push notification. I tap reply, send a response, and am back in PvZ in under a minute. The speed of switching between apps, on the 3Gs (with its faster processor) and the iPad (with an even faster processor) is about the same amount of time a multitasking solution would be too.

Finally, Apple is said to be working on a multitasking solution beyond push notifications for OS 4 [source]. Stay tuned to WWDC this summer for more information on that.

No Camera

Let’s begin with no back-facing camera. People want to take pictures with this thing. Really? You want to take pictures with a 7×10 inch slab? It seems, at least to me, that this would be clunky and frustrating, and would look downright silly.

The lack of a front-facing camera initially comes across as odd to everyone, but after some thought, it seems the logical choice to me. This is a device designed to be held in the lap. Don’t believe me, go watch Apple’s guided tour videos [Apple]. Everyone in those videos holds the iPad on their lap. A front-facing camera would get a good shot of your chin and nostrils, but not much else.

No Flash

Another initially obnoxious decision by Apple, no Flash support for the browser has been a major complaint. While this is also frustrating to be browsing and see the blue Lego brick where all your rich internet stuff should be, this is again not as big a deal as people make it out to be. HTML5 is gaining popularity, with many major websites, such as YouTube and TED, making HTML5/iPad compatible sites. Apple has an ever-growing list of websites for the iPad on their site [Apple].

Now people argue, “but what about Flash games? What about Farmville?” Most flash games are designed for keyboard and mouse use. Because the keyboard is on-screen, having it constantly out reduces the visible area of the actual game by no small amount. Also, with roll-over, click-and-drag interfaces that many of these Flash games use, how do these interfaces work? How does it know if you’re rolling over a button or clicking it if it can only sense if you’re tapping or not? Also, most Flash games will have counterparts in the App Store which have been redesigned for finger use. Lastly on games, take a look at this [Gizmodo]. Yes, that’s Quake. Running all HTML5.

Bezel Too Large

Not much to say on this as it mostly comes down to personal preference, but I’d just like to point out that the bezel’s width is the perfect size for a person’s thumb. And I mean perfect. This has obviously been planned extensively.

No USB Port or SD Card Slot

This issue is slightly offset as Apple sells a camera connection kit [Apple], but this means you need to carry around extra plugs. I agree that it wouldn’t have been hard to throw these in, but these aren’t really deal-breaking features. If you absolutely need to copy photos to your iPad, you get this, otherwise you don’t need to. I would like to see a double-ended 30-pin dock connector so I can copy photos from my iPhone to the iPad without needing to use the USB adaptor, but hopefully Apple will allow this photo copying through Bluetooth.

Just A Bigger iPod Touch

The thing here is, this isn’t just about the hardware. It’s about the apps. We’ve already seen some amazing apps that are going to be coming for this device, one of my favorites being a periodic table app [iTunes] with interactive features. Just look around the app store from iTunes, and you’ll find tons of examples of awesome apps. So, is the device just a bigger iPod Touch? Yes. Is that all it needs to be? I’ll leave that to you to decide.

iPhone App

Fingerzilla

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my friend. I told him, “hey, wouldn’t an iPhone app where you have a city and you tap on stuff to blow it up be awesome?” He agreed it would be, and I made some sketches. Today, I went to look at the top 25 free apps in the store, and guess what I found? A little app called Fingerzilla (iTunes link), where you have a city and tap on stuff to blow it up. Undeniably fun, which is why I was going to make it!

Folded Piece of Paper

Pocketmods

When I was in third grade, I spent hours trying to find a way to cut and fold a piece of paper to make a little booklet. When I finally discovered a great way of doing it, I made a few and carried them with me, drawing and writing in them. Last year, my mom sent me a link to Pocketmod. Sadly, their site no longer exists, but guess what? They were little cut-and-folded pieces of paper on which to draw and write stuff! Again, my idea shamelessly taken, and the credit given to someone else.

Ultrathin Computer

MacBook Air

When I was in kindergarten and first grade, I would fold pieces of paper in half and draw keyboards on them. I liked to pretend that they were little laptops, and actually worked. A paperthin laptop. Guess what.

Actually, to be fair, the MacBook air isn’t really what I was imagining. My paper computers had smaller screens and cramped keyboards. I guess it’s a good thing no one has made a small-screened ultraportable computer, right?

Oh wait...

Magnetic Generator

Magnetic Generator

When I was in fourth grade, I had a great idea. If I positioned magnets in a ring with other magnets in the middle, wouldn’t it spin? Couldn’t I then attach a generator to this spinning thing and have a generator? I thought I had invented a perpetual motion machine. I excitedly told my dad, and asked him for some magnets to test my theory. He told me that it would never work, and that I should just give up. Well guess what.

Language

Korean

Over the years, I have tried to make my own language about four times. Each time, I have used the basis of one set of characters for consonants, and one for vowels. My most recent attempt, I made my entire alphabet, an entire grammatical system, and was working on assigning characters to words, when I googled about the Korean language.

Summary

In summary, here is a list of people or entities that have stolen ideas from me:

-Inert Soap, LLC, creators of Fingerzilla

-Pocketmod.com

-Apple/every netbook manufacturer ever

-Some Canadian guy who has made a magnetic generator, everyone who has posted the instructions on the web that are so easy to find

-Korea

You might wonder what’s so bad about my brother, although if you have ever met me you’ve probably heard the stories. He has the unique ability to find exactly what pisses people off and then repeatedly exploit those weaknesses. First, he sings. I wouldn’t mind this were he actually a good singer, but he’s not. He sings out of tune, flat, out of his range, and loudly. He sings annoying, stupid christmas “carols” he makes up on the spot, usually involving a combination of bodily functions and insulting me. He does whatever he knows will get a reaction, and it’s impossible to ignore because of the sheer VOLUME. He’s also super hyper, with at least one spill or crash occurring hourly, starting around 7 am. This inevitably wakes me up.

All these behaviours would be at least tolerable during the normal school days, as he’s out of the house and I’m away from him for 7-8 hours a day. It’s at least semitolerable during spring and summer break as it’s easy to leave the house and get away from him, and he plays outside enough to burn off all his manic energy. The worst is during the winter time. Add into this the OMG PRESENTS factor and he is insufferable. Having presents in the house under the tree leads to near 24-hour begging to let him open one, despite repeated punishments for that behavior.

I wish, I so wish that school would start again.